Things Not to Say to People Who Are Grieving – #5

5.      “Call me if you need anything.”

This one is a personal pet peeve of mine.  Others may not put it in their top five worst things to say to someone who is grieving, but I like to be different!  This statement reminds me of when someone asked you how you are doing, but you know they really don’t care or have time to listen.  Here is the deal.  When someone is going through a loss you can be pretty sure they are going to need something.  Whether it is to go to the grocery store for them, put gas in their car, drive their kids somewhere, cook for them, clean their house, wash their car, cut their grass etc.  My recommendation is to just do these things for them.  You call them and say “I am coming over tomorrow morning to cut your grass.”  Or, “I am going to the grocery store this afternoon and I need your list.”  While some grievers may be comfortable asking for help, others are not.  If fact, I know many people who won’t ask because they don’t want to bother someone.

To the griever:  I encourage you to let others help you and support you.  Let someone cut your grass or clean your car or your house.  Receive help.  Now is the time to let others do for you.  If you know you have a need, ask for help from someone you believe will be reliable.  I am guessing many people have offered for you to call them if you need anything; so do it.  I know it can be risky to ask for what you need, but now is not the time to be superhuman.  I hope you will give yourself permission to receive the physical support you need.



  1. I agree…I think it would be a pet peeve of most bereaved.

  2. made sense to me!thanks for the thought

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