How We Remember Those We Have Lost.

loss
Today we all honor another Memorial Day and take time to be acknowledge and be thankful for the many brave men and women who have lost their lives or been injured serving our country. This day also causes me to reflect on ones I have lost in my own life. I imagine this could be true for others as well. Loss has a way of changing one, sometimes in ways you would never have imagined. And I think about the ways each of us memorialize or remember those that were once close to us that have now traveled on. And I know for each of us that the need to do this and the way to do this is different. What is important is that we each do it in the way that will be most helpful for our journey through grief.

I remember when I was growing up there was a local family who had one child. I wasn’t overly close to them or their daughter, but I had grown up with her. I remember knowing they wanted more kids. I think she was 12 or so when her brother, Bobby was born. When her brother Bobby was five his dad took him along on a business trip. The bus they were on crashed and Bobby was thrown from the bus and killed. I remember how tragic this was. I bring this up because I have never forgotten Bobby, or his family. I wasn’t involved enough with this family to attend the services. However, I did go to our local swimming pool almost every day. And at that pool the family planted a tree in honor of Bobby. Of course at the time it was a small tree, however as an adult when I traveled home I visited the tree watching it grow with time. The tree is now very large and beautiful. While Bobby’s family may have done that as their way of honoring Bobby, it was also good for the community.

I realize that the way each of us want or need to honor someone close to us who has died is different. I remember when I experienced my first major loss I lite a candle every night in honor of this person. Also after that first loss I developed an infinity for angles and cherubs. These gave me a sense of hope and comfort. I still collect them today. Some people have rituals of visiting the grave site on the person’s birthday, anniversary of their death and often, Memorial Day.

If you have lost someone close to you I hope that you have ways to still honor them in your life. Maybe you have others that remember this person too so that you can talk about him or her whenever needed. Maybe you have a garden you created to remember this person. Maybe you continue a ministry that this person started. Or maybe you are involved with his or her children as a way to honor and stay connected to your loved one. I encourage you to create or continue healthy rituals that will allow you to warmly connect with your loved one that has traveled forward and left you behind.

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