This Family of Mine

Talking about family relationships can dredge up a mixed bag of feelings for many people.  Some of you have happy memories from your family of origin; others, not so happy.   Since nobody can change their past, the best you can do is learn from it.  If you were blessed enough to have been raised in a family that overall provided you with a positive sense of security in yourself and the world, then you truly have been given a gift.  I implore you to be conscious of practicing those positive qualities with your loved ones now.  If you experienced consistent love, support and encouragement then you have the foundation for providing those qualities to your partner and any children you chose to bring into this world.

 Unfortunately, many of you were not so lucky to experience more positive than negative in your upbringing.  I understand that those earlier negative interactions have great impact on your development.  However, the good news is that each of you has the chose to do something about the ways you have been wounded in your upbringing.  You can heal and grow and make different choses for yourself.  Avoiding dealing with the negative aspects of your history will not help you live a better life today.  Seeking support to help you heal the wounds of your past so you can live more free today is a courageous and wonderful choice. 

 As you chose to address the ways you were injured you can then become more of the person you want to be.  If you have chosen to bring children into this world, it is important that you not let the ghosts of your past haunt your present.  At a minimum it is your responsibility not to pass on the same negative traits your caretakers demonstrated to you.  Work at being a better parent, rather than just winging it.  If you struggle with alcohol or drug addictions or addictions of any kind, get help!  If you have anger management issues, get help and stop acting-out with your children.   It is time to change.  No excuses.  Your children deserve the effort and you deserve a better life.

 It is never too late to be the parent, partner and person you want to be.  The important thing is that you do it!  It isn’t about being perfect; it is about making a sincere effort at improving.

A True Friend!

Friendships are the priceless gift that life grants us.  For those of you who are fortunate enough to have a handful of good friends, you are truly blessed.  A good friend is meant to bolster you; to encourage you to be your best self.  A true friend is not intimated by your grand nature.  I true friend only wants and strives for your best.  A genuine friend sees your short comings and encourages you through them instead of just pointing out what is defective in you.  That friend knows your good intentions and lovingly helps you to grow into your best self.  Your life is better for having this person in it. 

 With a good friend you work through difficult times together; not abandoning the other because times are tough.  A true friend is one of the anchors in life that helps you to claim yourself in this universe.  If you have several friends like this thank them today.  If your friendships don’t give you this then maybe you need to consider them more of an acquaintance rather than someone to really bear your soul to.  Being the active director of your life requires that you be able to judge which friendships encourage you and which are more of a burden.

 Moreover, what kind of friend are you?  Do you display these qualities to the ones you call “friend?”  Receiving this support merits giving this support.  I encourage you to be picky about the ones you call your close friends.  Your friendships ‘mirror’ you!  What do your friendships say about you? 

Deborah Day, M.A.

“The Empowerment Director”

Another Valentine’s Day!

Valentines Day can be a joyful, celebratory time for many happy couples.  Often it is a time to rejoice about the wonderful relationship you share with your partner.   The media has made this a very pronounced day for most.  However, this year my hope is that you will keep this day in perspective.  Enjoy and have a special day or evening with your valentine if you have one.  However, remember those who may not have a special someone in their life.  Reach out to someone you care about and let them know they are special.  Send a valentine card or note to your friends, family, children or anyone else that you appreciate.  Reach out to that person who recently lost their loved one or is experiencing difficulty in their relationship.  With the “hype” that goes into this day it can have such a negative effect on those that do not share a loving relationship with a partner.   I encourage each of you to reach out beyond just the traditional notion of Valentines Day and spread the feeling of appreciation all around you.  It has been said, “The more you give, the more you get.” Give on!

Deborah Day, M.A, LMHC, NCC, CP

What’s This Self-love Thing?

Self-love; most of us have heard this idea.  You must love yourself before you can truly love someone else.  How many times have you heard that one?  But, what is this whole self-love thing?  Does it mean that you should always praise, adore and shower yourself with gifts?  What connotations come to your mind when you think of self-love?

 Here are some things I do know.  We are not perfect.  We are all human which means we all have human frailties.  We all make mistakes.  Mistakes are part of the way we learn.  So, self-love is not about being perfect or performing perfectly.  Self-love is more about accepting our imperfections and being compassionate about the fact that we can and do make mistakes. Acknowledging that even though we make mistakes we are still ‘good’ is essential.  The more you can accept that you are imperfect and yet still good, the more you will feel love and compassion towards yourself.

 Self-love is about grasping that your essence is good.  It is accepting that you can be light even, though sometimes you feel dark. It is learning to be gracious towards yourself.  Self- love is a consistent commitment to remembering who your authentic self is:  good.  Not perfect, but good.

Seek diligence in your life so you can a

Seek diligence in your life so you can attain the greatest good in your lifetime!

When we do the best we can, we never kno

When we do the best we can, we never know what miracle is wrought in our life, or in the life of another. Helen Keller

The jobs never started are the hardest t

The jobs never started are the hardest to finish. John Tolkien